Spencer announces his retirement

In case you hadn't heard, I just got a new floor installed in my family room. I had Berber carpeting, cream Berber carpeting. Between the dogs and the kids, it became a brownish, smelly Berber carpet. Spencer loves to lay in the creek in the backyard. It is a very shallow creek, nothing like the one he used to have, but still, the water flows over his large, farty body and he is happy. When he decides to come in (which incidentally never coincides with me calling for him) he is a muddy mess. All four legs and belly. Mud. Most of the time I catch him and hose him down. But really, is wet clean dog any better than wet dirty dog? Not much.

Between Spencer and his mud baths and Emma's tail that innocently knocks over any container on the coffee table, the rug stunk. So, I go buy wood laminate flooring. The cheapest kind they have. I have hardwoods in most of my downstairs and wood laminate in my fancy living room. Spencer has had some issues with the laminate in the fancy living room. He slips. His feet can't get a grip and he slips and falls and has a hard time getting back up. He is so uncoordinated anyway, that slipping and falling is like some sort of physical comedy. He reminds me of John Ritter. Because of his floor problems I have the rugs and runners strategically placed so that he can get from one room to the other. The funny thing is, he does just fine on the real hardwoods...it's just the fakes he can't seem to walk normally on.

I think it may be because he is stuck up. Like he is too good for fake floors so, he makes this huge big deal about walking on them. Like "See, SEE, I can't even WALK on this cheap shit!!!! I'm going to break my hip on this lousy wannabe wood floor and THEN you'll be sorry" And I have no doubt that is just what will happen one day.

But I can't afford anything super nice and I cannot live with the smell from the carpet. I get the cheapest of the cheap. The fact that it took from May to November to actually have it installed is a rant for another blog. The Guy finally shows up. Of course Spencer and Emma go insane they are so excited to see The Guy. They LOVE The Guy. They just know that The Guy is going to give them a pat and he'll even let them hang out with him while he does his Guy stuff cause all Guys love dogs and vice versa. Oh happy day for our family!!! There's a Guy and he's installing floors!!!!!

Spencer and Em were up The Guy's butt, following him out to the truck and back in, tolerating The Guy's banging and sawing. Emma was over it though when he started with the nail gun. That was a little too manly for her. Spencer didn't move a muscle, total faith in The Guy's capabilities.The Guy is done and the floor is finished. Nice. Doesn't smell, doesn't look dirty. I am so happy!Emma comes in and checks out the new space. She gives me a high five. Spencer stands in the doorway whining. He puts one paw in and barks. Barks at me like it's all my fault that he can't walk normally into the family room. He's jealous that we are in here and he isn't. He's standing there pouting. And for once Emma is getting all of the attention.

Two days this went on. I think he thought if he protested hard enough I would change it back to carpet so that he could walk without looking like it's his first time on roller skates. But I'm not giving in. He's going to have to figure it out. His solution is to push back and then catapult himself to the scatter rug. There he lies until he farts, which sends him falling and stomping and whining out the door. Yesterday, all four legs went out from under him at the same time and he hit the floor like a belly flop. He gave me The Evil Eye for that one. I mean, that's just funny.

It's just walking! He's been doing it for years! I guess I could invest in scooters for the laminate floors.That wouldn't be the weirdest thing I have done for this dog. Spencer figured it out though. He licks all his paws before he attempts to come in. And as a sweet little reminder as to where in the room Spencer has been are his slimy dogie prints.He needs some non skid socks. How did he go from an outdoor dog who ate whatever and ran where ever to needing old lady socks to get around in his own home. I guess he is officially retired.